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Strona główna > How to come out > How to Come Out - Extended Version

Extended Version

We come out when we are ready for it. It’s important to first develop one’s positive lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender identity. This involves self-acceptance, challenging destructive myths and stereotypes as well as solidarity with LGBT people. So it’s not about applying a negative label to oneself, but about identifying with people like us in order to offer mutual support and together oppose discrimination. When same-sex love and transgender cease to be a problem, those identities may become less important.
      It’s worth preparing oneself for coming out. Here are a handful of suggestions:

1. Let’s acquire knowledge, because coming out often involves educating the people we are talking to. A few selected issues are outlined briefly below.

Homosexuality is a normal minority variant of human sexuality. Thus, (less or more visible) homosexual people as well as same-sex couples and their families are an ordinary component of human societies. A serious approach to this natural diversity of people and to the principle of equal treatment of citizens entails an education taking account of life-related needs of this sexual minority as well as legal protection of same-sex couples and their families. In 1990 the World Health Organization, guided by the results of longstanding scientific research, removed homosexuality from its classification of diseases. Homosexuality isn’t a disease entity in the classification used in Poland. As a feature of a certain percentage of people, it’s similar to left-handedness, which once was also stigmatized and attempts were made to eliminate it.      
      Homosexuality is an evolutionary heritage of humans. It constitutes a constant part of nature. Homosexual behaviour has been observed in many species of animals living in the wild. It appears in relatives of the human species, such as gibbons, gorillas and chimpanzees. Apart from homosexual behaviour, including the formation of same-sex pairs as well as raising biological or adopted children by some such pairs (e.g. American red squirrels, black swans or black-headed gulls), animal sexuality assumes various forms, such as masturbation and sex with no procreative aim.
  See: Internet: VIDEOS > Diversity in Nature 

Based on pseudo-science, undertaken under the pressure of religious fundamentalist circles, attempts to change homosexual orientation into heterosexual orientation are hazardous to mental health and claims of “success” are distorted. As a result of pressure, people sometimes claim they “have changed”, but in reality no change has taken place and the truth comes to light later. It happens sometimes that “success” is announced in the case of someone who is actually bisexual, and not homosexual.

Same-sex marriages (and other legally recognized same-sex unions) harmoniously coexist with opposite-sex marriages. In diverse cultures the institution of marriage used to take on and takes on various forms. For example, opposite-sex union was once based on a contract between the father of the woman and his future son-in-law, as a result of which the woman changed her owner. Today in our part of the world it’s a contract of future spouses as equals. Opposite-sex marriage doesn’t necessarily involve producing offspring, since it can be entered into by persons not interested in having or unable to have children. It can be entered into by people being in favour of using contraceptives, as it’s done by masses of Catholics following their conscience. It can be entered into by divorced persons.
      Living in a successful same-sex marriage is an essential factor determining good quality of life for many lesbians and gay men, just as living in a successful opposite-sex marriage is an essential factor determining good quality of life for many heterosexual people. In both cases, values like stability, mutual support and mutual commitment as well as the resulting benefit for society come into play. Same-sex marriage has a long history. At present, such marriages (or other same-sex unions) are acquiring legal recognition in a growing number of countries where the right to enter into a civil marriage with one’s beloved, the principle of equal treatment of citizens and the right of children to have parents living in a legally recognized union are all treated seriously. It’s a question of social justice. Moreover, legal recognition of same-sex marriage means real social inclusion of non-heterosexual people, who are a constant, normal and inherent element of society. Of course, this is a challenge to certain dogmatized definitions of marriage, in many countries still imposed on all citizens by means of secular law. Constitutions which state that citizens are equal but exclude same-sex marriage are internally contradictory, so in various regions of the world actions are taken to correct this error. However these constitutions may allow for other legally recognized same-sex unions as a compromise for second-class citizens.
  See: Internet: VIDEOS > Same-Sex Unions: Marriages and Partnerships

LGBT people bring up children with joy, dedication and success. In various regions of the world, after going through ordinary qualifying procedures (and sometimes also training), they openly care for thousands of officially adopted daughters and sons. They also bring up their biological offspring. Scientific research shows that the development and traits of these children, including their sexual orientation as adults, don’t diverge from the statistical average. Hence, the American Academy of Pediatrics and other generally recognized American professional organizations competent in the area of child well-being (like the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association) have published reports and passed resolutions supporting the right of LGBT people to adopt children and to parent.
      The parenting success of same-sex couples has its source, among other things, in the fact that their daughters and sons are decidedly wanted children. Those couples often adopt children that opposite-sex couples may not be interested in: past infancy, of a different race or with a disability. They give them the warmth of a home and the richness of contacts within the family and beyond, which no orphanage can ensure. They also give them stabilization, which can’t be ensured by a foster family. Their peers often have no trouble accepting friends with two mothers or two fathers. Children from those families learn to cope with possible teasing in the same way as those from ethnic or religious minorities. Adoption and assisted procreation are being made legally possible for same-sex couples in a growing number of countries where the human right to found a family and the principle of equal treatment of citizens are respected.
      The family has always been a diverse institution. Throughout the history of humanity, there have been widows and widowers bringing up their biological children as well as people bringing up adopted children with the participation of helpers of the same or opposite sex. Moreover, those raising children have always included people who today would describe themselves as L, G, B or T. At present, in social science the diversity of the family is treated as a norm, while its dogmatized definitions are demystified and demythologized.
  See: Internet: VIDEOS > Families of Same-Sex Couples 

A growing number of religious leaders and lay followers of religions accept homosexual orientation together with its responsible physical expression. They conclude that condemning homosexuality on the basis of fragments of ancient documents of faith, taken out of historical context and erroneously interpreted, is groundless. Both the Biblical remarks on homosexual behaviour, having their source in the customs and notions of a people living in the Bronze or Iron Age, and the thirteenth-century (Thomas Aquinas) statements, based on ancient and medieval speculations concerning “natural law”, don’t speak, in fact, about homosexuality as it’s known by present-day science. Therefore, quoting them (or their later adaptations) as moral arguments concerning homosexuality is abusing them. Those leaders and lay people recognize that such condemnation, based on a distorted picture of human sexuality, is actually violence, threatening the health and life of lesbian and gay believers. It so happens that some fragments of the Bible approve genocide (including dashing the enemy’s infants against a rock), slavery (including selling one’s own daughters) and treating women as men’s property, which is ethically unacceptable. Its other passages present the view that the Earth is flat and the Sun circles it, which is false. At the same time justice, love for one’s neighbour, truth and self-criticism belong to the central message of many faiths. Thus, also within religious belief there is space for critical reflection, which encourages distancing oneself from toxic teaching.
      If some churches, guided by prescientific comprehension of the world from distant epochs, haven’t stopped condemning the love of same-sex couples yet and can’t celebrate it with joy as a precious gift, it’s regrettable, but it’s their internal problem. However, they shouldn’t impose their dogmatized definitions of relationships and families by means of pseudoscientific arguments on the legal system of a secular state, which ought to be based on rational premises and serve all citizens equally. The problem is being noticed by a growing number of lay members of those faith communities, who, following their conscience, support legal recognition of same-sex civil marriage (or another type of same-sex union) and, consequently, support equal treatment of families. For example, in 2012 already nearly 2/3 of American Catholics were in favour of civil gender-neutral marriage.
      After over 350 years, regret was expressed at the injustice that Galileo Galilei had experienced for promoting Copernican views. As lesbians or gay men we don’t want institutional religions to wait a few centuries to apologize to us for the present spiritual violence based on cultivated ignorance. We expect justice now.
  See: Internet: VIDEOS > Religious Acceptance of LGBT People with Their Sexuality and Gender Identity (WEBCASTS, TEXTS)

Having a bisexual orientation means that we have a potential to love a woman or a man. Frankness as to one’s bisexuality is for some an important political issue or a question of faithfulness to oneself.

For those of us who are transgender, coming out may be connected with the process of transition to the gender we identify with to a greater extent.

The Polish labour code, Kodeks pracy (art. 183a), prohibits discrimination based on gender and sexual orientation.

 

  Read: Jeff Lutes, What Science Says - and Doesn't Say - about Homosexuality



2. Let’s refute unsupported claims:

Coming out isn’t about “flaunting” one’s sexuality or gender identity, but about functioning normally in society. The heterosexual majority and the cisgender majority (those who identify with their biological gender) demonstrate their sexuality or gender identity all the time, but are often not aware of it.
      Similarly, we don’t flaunt our sexuality or gender identity when we participate in demonstrations to demand respect for LGBT human rights. However, nonparticipation in them may indicate tacit consent to the violation of our rights. Moreover, what is at issue is our presence and that of our allies in public space. We are abandoning an inactive, closed milieu, resigned to a status of second-class citizens, and choosing an open community of LGBT people demanding a worthy place in society.

Sexual orientation can’t be effectively “promoted”. If it were possible, only heterosexual orientation would exist in societies in which public discourse takes into account solely the heterosexual model of relations, and homosexual behaviour meets with condemnation and penal sanctions. However, homosexuality and bisexuality exist everywhere. What is at issue is the right to raise the question of sexual orientation in public, including education in this area. Therefore, statements against “promoting” homosexuality, based on erroneous assumptions and aimed at censorship, are nonsensical and contrary to the principle of equal treatment of citizens.

The claim that professional associations, like the American Psychiatric Association, have been manipulated by lesbians and gay men so that these organizations would stop regarding homosexuality as a disorder and start affirming LGBT people is based on fabrications. Those making such a claim often also repeat inflammatory opinions about lesbians and gay men coming from organizations with scientifically sounding names or from people with degrees (like Paul Cameron), but in fact not doing research that meets scientific standards.

The claim that “same-sex marriages (or other legally recognized unions) threaten opposite-sex marriages” is groundless. They don’t limit the rights of opposite-sex marriages and there is no proof that they are harmful to them in any way. The claim is simply an untruth propagated by moralists and political circles that favour violating our rights. Marriage equality doesn’t threaten the institution of marriage, but strengthens it and, moreover, signifies equal treatment of children and families.

The claim that legal recognition of same-sex marriage (or other union) leads to legal recognition of polygamous, incestuous or even zoophile relationships is a well-known, cunning way of changing the subject.

• The claim that children thrive best when they have a mother and a father is unsupported by facts. Scientific research shows that children’s well-being depends on their relationship with their parents, on their parents’ competence and sense of security as well as on social and economic support for their family, and not on the gender or sexual orientation of their parents.

The claim that bringing up children by same-sex couples is harmful to the development of those children (Mark Regnerus) or influences their sexual orientation is groundless. There is no empirical evidence for that, and the alleged “facts” are unverified popular notions or even misrepresentations of available scientific research results. This claim is simply an untruth propagated by moralists and political circles that favour discrimination against same-sex couples’ families and, thus, act to the detriment of the family. Lesbian and gay parents are as competent as heterosexual parents.

What we demand is not “privileges”, but equal treatment as citizens. We don’t demand more rights, but only the same as others have.

3. Let’s select a convenient time and place to come out. This important conversation shouldn’t be disrupted by anything. It’s good to choose a day on which our prospective interlocutor doesn’t wrestle with an exceptionally difficult problem. If we want to come out to a group of relatives, friends or co-workers, let’s do it during an ordinary meeting rather than a special celebration. As coming out lasts an entire lifetime, there are many opportunities to do it.

4. Let’s use friendly, ordinary and clear language. Let’s say we appreciate mutual respect. We may feel pain or anger, but let’s avoid aggressive and offensive words. Once uttered, they may be remembered and hinder future attempts at discussion. If we say something inappropriate, we should apologize.
      When we talk about coming out, it’s best to avoid borrowings and unfortunate translations of foreign expressions. Let’s not make an imported fashion out of our need to be sincere. True, borrowing words from other languages is a universal phenomenon. But here, in order to give an example of effective communication with average people, we intentionally avoid the Anglicism coming out. We use its equivalents: wychodzenie z ukrycia ‘(literally) coming out of hiding’ (Wielki słownik angielsko-polski PWN-Oxford: English-Polish Dictionary, 2002: closet: to come out of the closet ‘wyjść z ukrycia’) and ujawnianie się ‘(literally) disclosing oneself’. After all, English-speaking LGBT Britons or Americans don’t talk about their coming out using foreign words, and they are obviously successful. Moreover, when we talk about the state of secrecy, it’s problematic to use the word szafa ‘wardrobe’, a controversial translation of the polysemous word closet. (See The Oxford English Dictionary: closet, n.) Its original central sense is ‘room for privacy’, and later related senses include ‘side-room or recess for porcelain, household utensils or clothing’. In a wardrobe (also a built-in wardrobe) one usually hides something and not oneself. Verbal and pictorial allusions to the meaning ‘recess for clothing’ sporadically appearing in this context in English speaking regions have a humorous character. (In the logo of the National Coming Out Day, Keith Haring accurately depicts a figure leaving a dark room and not a recess for clothing.) Thus, in the current discussion, as equivalents of closet we use the words ukrycie ‘hiding’ or kryjówka ’hiding place’.

5. Let’s communicate to the people we are talking to that we feel comfortable with our sexuality or gender identity. It’s possible when we have already developed our positive L, G, B or T identity. Let’s talk with a raised head. Let’s not allow anyone to arouse a feeling of shame in us or to force us to give up our frankness and apologize for who we are. When there is no acceptance, let’s state peacefully: We choose to disagree, for now. In order to improve our mood in such a situation, let’s come out to someone whose reaction will probably be positive.

6. At the initial stage of coming out, let’s carefully select the people we acquaint with this important fact. It’ll be selective coming out. It’s best to start with those people who’ll probably accept us. Thus, we’ll acquire the necessary skill in comfortable conditions. After the first step, the subsequent ones will be easier, and in the end such behaviour will become ordinary for us.

7. Parents require special attention. Let’s think over what we want to tell them and prepare ourselves for questions as well as various reactions, including emotional ones. Some parents react with immediate acceptance. Others need time, so let’s give it to them. Let’s tell them we love them and care about being sincere. If necessary, let’s explain that in the search for the love of our dreams, we always follow safer sex rules in order to maintain health. If they attack or manipulate us, let’s say peacefully we expect a dialogue on equal terms and will come back to the subject another time. Let’s thank them for their attention.

8. When we hear a stranger making problematic remarks on LGBT people, we can peacefully react with a dose of education and come out. Having no knowledge such a person usually repeats second-hand opinions. We may tactfully make her or him aware that: the world of nature, including the human world, is more diverse than philosophers once imagined and one must accept that; we aren’t an evil and we don’t pose a threat to anyone; we have human rights; our relationships and families have a right to equal treatment. We often have to be more patient than our interlocutors and refrain from angry reactions. Through a friendly attitude we can win allies. Let’s thank for the chat regardless of the result. Let’s leave a good impression.

9. Let’s focus on people open to arguments. It’s through educating such people that a better-informed majority emerges in society. Our allies gradually become such a majority. Consequently, those who are closed to the idea of respecting our human rights become a minority.

10. If relatives, friends, co-workers or neighbours accept us and care about our interests, let’s convince them to make their political decisions, for example during a parliamentary election, in keeping with this attitude. Let’s draw their attention to the principle of equal treatment of citizens and, thus, also of LGBT people’s relationships and families. Some parties on principle marginalize us, trampling on our rights. However, according to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) all people are equal in dignity and rights; they should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood (that is solidarity), and the recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all people is the foundation of justice. Contrary to claims of moralists and politicians who ignore the idea of equality, the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are human rights. Thus, we should be treated like all other citizens.

11. If, on the basis of observation, we have a well-founded fear that coming out in the present environment would be a disaster, let’s plan it for later, for instance when we gain financial independence or move somewhere else. But when coming out seems temporarily impossible, it’s a reason for regret rather than satisfaction that one continues to pretend to be somebody one is not. And making a virtue out of staying in the hiding place is a tragic misunderstanding.

12. Let’s create a support system for ourselves, consisting of people on whose help we can count in complicated situations that sometimes arise in the course of coming out. We can also use help offered by LGBT-friendly organizations (see: Organizations).

Selected literature

Abramowicz, Marta, Agnieszka Bratkiewicz. 2005. Jestem gejem. Jestem lesbijką. Komu mogę o tym powiedzieć?  Warszawa:  
Stowarzyszenie Kampania Przeciw Homofobii.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/jestem_gejem_jeste m_lesbijka.pdf

Aldrich, Robert (red.). 2009. Geje i lesbijki: życie i kultura. Przekład: Piotr Nowakowski. Kraków: Universitas.

Babst, Gordon A., Emily R. Gill, Jason Pierceson (red.). 2009. Moral Argument, Religion, and Same-Sex Marriage: Advancing the Public Good. Lanham, Boulder, New York, Toronto, Plymouth, UK: Lexington Books.

Baca Zinn, Maxine, D. Staney Eitzen, Barbara Wells. 2009. Diversity in Families. Eighth edition. Boston, MA: Pearson.

Bagemihl, Bruce. 1999. Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press.

Biedroń, Robert. 2007. Tęczowy elementarz, czyli (prawie) wszystko, co chcielibyście wiedzieć o gejach i lesbijkach. Warszawa: Wydawnictwo AdPublik.

Biedroń, Robert. 2016. Pod prąd. Rozmawia Magdalena Łyczko. Warszawa: Edipresse Polska SA.

Boswell, John. 2006. Chrześcijaństwo, tolerancja społeczna i homoseksualność: Geje i lesbijki w Europie Zachodniej od początku ery chrześcijańskiej do XIV wieku. (Tytuł oryginału: Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay people in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century.) Przekład: Jerzy Krzyszpień. Kraków: Nomos.

Brózda, Barbara, Krzysztof Śmiszek. 2009. Związki osób tej samej płci w Europie: Praktyczny przewodnik dla Polaków i Polek po wybranych krajach. Warszawa: Kampania Przeciw Homofobii.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/zwiazki_w_europie.pdf

Corvino, John. 2013. What’s Wrong with Homosexuality? (Philosophy in Action) . Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation and gender identity in Europe. 2011. Rada Europy.
http://www.coe.int/t/Commissioner/Source/LGBT/report/P art1.pdf

England, Michael E. 1978 [1998]. The Bible and Homosexuality. Washington, DC: Chi Rho Press.

Fairchild, Betty and Nancy Hayward. 1979 [1989, 1998]. Now that You Know: What Every Parent Should Know about Homosexuality. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Gajewska, Katarzyna, Katarzyna Remin (red.). 2011. My, rodzice: Pytania i odpowiedzi rodziców lesbijek, gejów i osób biseksualnych. Warszawa: Kampania Przeciw Homofobii.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/my-rodzice.pdf

Goldberg, Abbie E. 2012. Gay Dads: Transition to Adoptive Fatherhood. New York and London: New York University Press.

Gualdi, Miles, Matteo Martelli, Wolfgang Wilhelm, Robert Biedroń. 2008. Znęcanie się w szkołach. Przewodnik dla młodzieży, jak przeciwdziałać znęcaniu się. [Warszawa: Kampania Przeciw Homofobii.]
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/schoolmates_dla_uczniow .pdf

Gualdi, Miles, Matteo Martelli, Wolfgang Wilhelm, Robert Biedroń, Marta Abramowicz. 2008. Znęcanie się w szkołach: Przewodnik dla młodzieży [nauczycieli] jak przeciwdziałać znęcaniu. [Warszawa: Kampania Przeciw Homofobii.]
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/schoolmates_dla_nauczycieli.pdf

Guest, Deryn, Robert E. Goss, Mona West, Thomas Bohache (red.). 2006. The Queer Bible Commentary. London: SCM Press.

Hammarberg, Thomas. 2011. Tożsamość płciowa a prawa człowieka. Przekład: Wiktor Dynarski. Transrespect Versus Transphobia Worldwide.
http://www.transrespect- transphobia.org/uploads/downloads/Publications/Hberg_pol.pdf

Helminiak, Daniel A. 2002. Co Biblia naprawdę mówi o homoseksualności. (Tytuł oryginału: What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality.) Przekład: Jerzy Jaworski. Gdynia: Uraeus.

Iniewicz, Grzegorz, Magdalena Mijas, Bartosz Grabski. 2012. Wprowadzenie do psychologii LGB. Wrocław: Wydawnictwo Continuo.

Kochanowski, Jacek, Marta Abramowicz, Robert Biedroń (red.). 2010. Queer Studies: podręcznik kursu. Warszawa: Kampania Przeciw Homofobii.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/queerstudies_podrecznik.pdf

Kosińska, Kinga. 2015. Brudny róż: Zapiski z życia, którego nie było. Warszawa: Nisza.

[Krzyszpień, Jerzy]. 1993. Lesbijki i geje wychodzą z ukrycia. (Ulotka sfinansowana przez Światową Organizację Zdrowia.) [Warszawa]: Stowarzyszenie Grup „Lambda”.

Krzyszpień, Jerzy. 2010. Język i emancypacja LGBT: uwagi praktyczne. W: Kochanowski, Abramowicz, Biedroń (2010). 139-146.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/queerstudies_podrecznik.pdf

Krzyszpień, Jerzy. 2010. Homoseksualność a religia: judaizm, chrześcijaństwo i islam (wprowadzenie). W: Kochanowski, Abramowicz, Biedroń (2010). 173-202.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/queerstudies_podrecznik.pdf

Kubica, Grażyna. 2010. Przeciw heteronormie: Lesbijki i geje w przestrzeni publicznej. Czas Kultury 4. 22-29.

Kurc, Mariusz i Krzysztof Tomasik (red.). 2011. Tęczowa rewolucja: Rozmowy les / gej / bi / trans. Warszawa: AdPublik.

Lev, Arlene Istar. 2004. The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide. New York, NY: The Berkley Publishing Group.

Lutes, Jeff. 2012. Co nauka mówi – a czego nie mówi – o homoseksualności. (Tytuł oryginału: What The Science Says – And Doesn’t Say – About Homosexuality.)
http://wychodzimyzukrycia.net/

McNeill, John. 1993. The Church and the Homosexual. Fourth edition. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

McNeill, John. 2001 [1988]. Taking a Chance on God: Liberating Theology for Gays, Lesbians, and Their Lovers, Families, and Friends. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

Perrin, Ellen C., Benjamin S. Siegel, and the Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health. 2013. Promoting the Well-Being of Children Whose Parents Are Gay or Lesbian. Pediatrics; originally published online March 20, 2013; DOI: 10.1542/peds.2013-0377.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2013/03/18/peds.2013-0377
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2013/03/18/peds.2013-0377.full.pdf+html

Podręcznik europejskiego prawa o niedyskryminacji.  2010. Agencja Praw Podstawowych Unii Europejskiej (FRA) i Rada Europy.
http://fra.europa.eu/fraWebsite/attachments/ FRA_CASE_LAW_HANDBOOK_PL.pdf

Powszechna deklaracja praw człowieka, 1948
http://www.unesco.pl/fileadmi n/user_upload/pdf/Powszechna_Deklaracja_Praw_Czlowieka.pdf

Remin, Katarzyna (red.). 2009. Zasady Yogyakarty: Zasady stosowania międzynarodowego prawa praw człowieka w stosunku do orientacji seksualnej i tożsamości płciowej. (Tytuł oryginału: The Yogyakarta Principles: The Application of International Human Rights Law in relation to Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity, 2006. Przekład: Adam Bodnar, Joanna Lora, Aleksandra Gliszczyńska, Katarzyna Sękowska-Kozłowska, Anna Śledzińska-Simon, Roman Wieruszewski). Warszawa: Kampania przeciw Homofobii.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/b-y_zasady.pdf

Savage, Dan, Terry Miller. 2012. It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living. New York, NY: Plume.

Seidman, Steven. 2003. Beyond the Closet: The Transformation of Gay and Lesbian Life. New York and London: Routledge.

Schuster, Alexander, Matthieu Chaimbault, Greg Czarnecki, Jacques Lizé, Fabrizio Paloni, Eduardas Platovas. 2011. Zmierzając we właściwym kierunku: Przewodnik po prawach osób LGBT w Polsce i w Europie. EqualJus.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/przewodnik_zmierzajac_we_wlasciwym_kierunku_PL.pdf

Signorile, Michelangelo. 1995. Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers. New York: Random House.

Signorile, Michelangelo. 2003. Queer in America: Sex, the Media, and the Closets of Power (updated edition). Madison, WI: The University of Wisconsin Press.

Slany, Krystyna (red.). 2013. Zagadnienia małżeństwa i rodzin w perspektywie feministyczno-genderowej. Kraków: Wydawnictwo Uniwersytetu Jagiellońskiego.

Slawik, Iwona, Jakub Slawik. 2010. Homoseksualizm problemem Kościoła? Rocznik Teologiczny LII 1-2. 9-70.

Stańczak, Małgorzata. 2011. Kodeks pracy. Stan prawny na 1 września 2011 r.  Wydanie 7. Warszawa: LexisNexis.
http://kodeks- pracy.org/

Śmiszek, Krzysztof (red.). 2006. Przeciwdziałanie dyskryminacji z powodu orientacji seksualnej w świetle prawa polskiego oraz standardów europejskich. Warszawa: Kampania Przeciw Homofobii.
http://www.kph.org.pl/images/stories/raporty/Przeciwdzialanie_dyskryminacji.pdf

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 1948
http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/index.shtml

Tomalski, Przemysław. 2007. Nietypowe rodziny: O parach lesbijek i gejów oraz ich dzieciach z perspektywy teorii przywiązania. Warszawa: Wydawnictwa Uniwersytetu Warszawskiego.

Wahls, Zach with Bruce Littlefield. 2012. My Two Moms: Lessons of Love, Strength, and What Makes a Family. New York: Gotham Books.

Woszczek, Marek. 2011. Queerowanie teologii: projekt w realizacji. Znak 679. 73- 79.

Yogyakarta Principles: The Application of International Human Rights Law in relation to Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity
http://www.yogyakartaprinciples.org/

Zima, Monika (red.). 2010. Tęczowe rodziny w Polsce: Prawo a rodziny lesbijskie i gejowskie. Warszawa: Kampania przeciw Homofobii.
http://www.kph.org.pl/publikacje/raport2010_teczowe_r odziny.pdf

Zimbardi-LeMons, Tony. 2010. Forever Dads: A Gay Couple’s Journey to Fatherhood. Austin, TX: Creative House International Press, Inc.